Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Desire to be Whole

I don't know if it shows a lot, but ever since high school I've made a practice of seeing things from as many different perspectives as possible. Most of the time this was a good thing. It let me sympathize with the problems of the popular people and empathize with other unpopular people, like myself.

However, every now and then this is not so good a feature to have. I began to feel fractured. On many issues I could count how and why maybe 3-5 people felt about it, but somehow I couldn't seem to gain a footing on how I felt about it. My own views seemed to dissolve into what other people think and I wouldn't be able to choose which view I most sympathized with.

Fast forward ahead to the last couple of weeks. Volunteering with some down-time, I began reading a book called Total Truth. In it she described a need for a Christian worldview, something that transcends the compartmentalization so common in our lives. I found myself drawn to the text and longing for something similar.

Mistakenly I began to call what I wanted "worldview." I was trying to explain what I was longing for in the same terms as what I was reading. I think I can identify what was so profound for me. I want to be a whole, one viewpoint, one perspective, to have a vision of who I am, what my goals are, and what makes me "me". I realize at 34 I am still trying to answer the question, "who do I want to be when I grown up?"

Monday, August 23, 2010

Book Shelves (GoodReads) for keeps track of what I want to read and where I am within books. I always seem to put the bookmark in the wrong section while I'm reading, if it doesn't fall out completely.

*Yoda voice* Sharing today I am, the currently-reading bookshelf in GoodReads.
Most of the books are on loan from the library although I do own an electronic copy of Its Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys and a regular copy of Life Makeovers. Library books keep my selections fresher since I feel more free to experiment without being burned on a selection, and occasionally save me from purchasing a book on recommendation that I simply don't care for.

I haven't read any of In Search of King Solomon's Mines, but I read a more recent work by Tahir Shah, The Caliph's House: A Year in Casablanca. I thoroughly enjoyed it, so I can't wait to crack open this older volume of his.

Theresa's current reading

It's Hard to Make a Difference When You Can't Find Your Keys
In Search of King Solomon's Mines
Life Makeovers: 52 Practical & Inspiring Ways to Improve Your Life One Week at a Time
Get Off Your Knees and Pray: A Woman's Guide to Life-Changing Prayer
Artemis Fowl

Theresa's favorite books »

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Very Little Patience

I have very little patience for blogs. I have to admit I don't know why I'm writing one.  Maybe it is the clamoring of the senses to be let out onto the page for a little while, or maybe it is just a desperate attempt to leave some trace, something that says to the outside world "I was here" even if only for a little while.

Elsewhere (on SparkPeople) I have started a weight loss group for friends, family, and sufferers of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. I named it Butterfly People because butterflies distract and are often unpredictable in their flight patterns. The person afflicted is like a small child entangled in fantasies that flit and lead who knows where.

Here I was thinking more of a set of metaphors I fashioned after a prompt in a book, It's hard to make a difference when you can't find your keys, by Marilyn Paul.

My life is like fingerpainting. Messy, but colorful, and valued simply because it exists.

My heart is a butterfly, dancing with the colors and motion of Mei in House of Flying
Daggers, no less skillful and beautiful. My feet move to follow my heart.

I am courageous and able, like the martial artist Shu Lien (the platonic interest of monk Li Mu Bai in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). I am able to face each day, in a practical, graceful manner.