Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Desire to be Whole

I don't know if it shows a lot, but ever since high school I've made a practice of seeing things from as many different perspectives as possible. Most of the time this was a good thing. It let me sympathize with the problems of the popular people and empathize with other unpopular people, like myself.

However, every now and then this is not so good a feature to have. I began to feel fractured. On many issues I could count how and why maybe 3-5 people felt about it, but somehow I couldn't seem to gain a footing on how I felt about it. My own views seemed to dissolve into what other people think and I wouldn't be able to choose which view I most sympathized with.

Fast forward ahead to the last couple of weeks. Volunteering with some down-time, I began reading a book called Total Truth. In it she described a need for a Christian worldview, something that transcends the compartmentalization so common in our lives. I found myself drawn to the text and longing for something similar.

Mistakenly I began to call what I wanted "worldview." I was trying to explain what I was longing for in the same terms as what I was reading. I think I can identify what was so profound for me. I want to be a whole, one viewpoint, one perspective, to have a vision of who I am, what my goals are, and what makes me "me". I realize at 34 I am still trying to answer the question, "who do I want to be when I grown up?"